It is hard to define love, some find it in books, and for them it is limited only to the books, some like to believe it doesn’t exist. And then there is the other kind. Those who are always looking for it in the eyes of the one they love. Each moment they look at each other and their eyes sparkle up. That is a subtle indication of love in their hearts.
A few weeks back, I received a very painful phone call from a friend who was going through terrible heart ache. He had just broken up with his boyfriend. Soon, another caller followed that was from a girlfriend who also had a break up. ‘Is it a break up season or what?’ I said to myself. Whoever, calls me, has a painful tale to share. I don’t consider myself to be an expert in relationships. Having gone through a series of painful affairs myself; I sure do know ways to handle the terrible ail it causes and the void that it leaves us with.
First, let’s see some of the main reasons of break ups:
a) Incompatibility: Better halves no longer are better for each other, due to being incompatible. There could be a number of reasons why that can happen. Sexual dissatisfaction, lack of understanding, emotional and/or psychological differences and cultural differences to name a few. Especially, in same-sex couples this is one of the major reasons of break up.
b) Infidelity: Infidelity or unfaithfulness is not just being sexual with other people, if there are unfaithful feelings, thoughts of being emotionally or physically intimate with others, then congratulations! You are already half way there and soon ‘will’ lead to infidelity. Lies and distrust the close counterparts of unfaithfulness.
c) Expectation Mismatch: This is the most common reason of break ups. It is human to have expectations however; unreal expectations such as a desire to have your partner do something for you, looks good only on books and films. If what you expect happens, don’t be over whelmed. If it doesn’t, show it yourself how you want to be treated. If they still don’t get it, talk to them and let them know how you feel or what you expect.
d) Loss of trust: Partners stop trusting each other and the evil ‘doubt’ comes in between. Faith and trust are your two companions you should never bid good bye. It is terribly hard to regain them. Once either of the partners starts being indecisive or doubtful the other is put on a stand every time there is a difference of opinion.
e) They don’t have balls: About four years back I was dating someone from Hyderabad city in India. He seemed like a perfect person to be with. He waited for me to fall for him. When I did and he was certain that I was entrapped, he proposed his love. Then one night while he was dropping me home, right after the goodbye kiss in his car, he came out with his true intentions. “My mother wants me to get married next year.” I looked at him with disgust on my face, even before I could think of right words to say, he said “Even if I get married to a woman, I will still be committed to one man.” I mean, have I got ‘Loser’ in bold written on my forehead. I step out of the car and asked him to take a hike. It was painful, but I am sure that was much less than what I would have felt on his wedding day. Some men are absolutely fine with this adjustment. So I guess good for them! For all others, please DO NOT get into that trap. All the other possible reasons fall under these main categories.
Now, let’s see the stages of a break up.
Stage one is ‘I am innocent’. This is a very subtle stage and most of you will not notice it, this is where your guy will start treating you as friend, will start socialising more than before, will introduce you extremely good looking buddies; those you have definitely never met before. When you ask how they know each other; the answer will either be “Oh! We are colleagues, or he is XYZ’s cousin or acquaintance of some sort”. They will share tales of how someone was hitting on them or how someone at work totally came out to them. All that they will say will make them appear saintly, and harmless. They may start picking topics to tick you off. Such as jokingly talking about threesome, or orgy (having discussed that you detest these) all they are trying to do is test your patience. So, you start a fight and they find a way to chicken out of the relationship.
Guys do not want to handle drama, tears, emotional breakdown. So, according to them the best way to avoid all that is to stop calling, responding to your calls or messages, avoid meeting you, start creating an online dating profile, start lying, exhibiting different behaviour, spending longer hours in office (clearly to avoid you). The last one is the safest bet actually, one can always say “there is too much work load now a days” or “have been busy at work, so couldn’t call you.” This is the second stage called trying to avoid.
Now, the third and final stage, this one is called ‘Parting ways’. Most of us have gone through it sometime or the other. And we all know how painful it is. Most relationships will finish at stage two, generally with a fight. For those who are patient it may reach this stage. Here they look for an excuse to dump you. Might try to hack through your email, find faults and then comes the final conversation. My personal experience says you should NOT ask them for a reason. Let them go! You will see they will start explaining themselves sheepishly. Just say, you don’t want an explanation, smile and carry on doing what you were doing. If you had especially met up for this (very unlikely) just order something you want to have and let them pay. Most guys will just send a message or speak over the phone I suggest hang up on them and DO NOT let them know how hurt you are. Then take time and cry your heart out.
If they realise their mistake they may return to you. Else, move on there are more men on this planet than women. Cheers! Keep smiling and stay beautiful.
PS: I keep posting stuff and I am not even sure if anyone is reading this. If someone is then… Thank you 
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